Meet the staff: Maria

Come one, come all, join us as we venture back in the dusty annuls of the Vape Co staff.

Today we look right up the hierarchical chain, all the way to senior management, a dark place not usually deemed suitable for the eyes of mortal men. Today, we talk about our boss, Maria (Doyourjobious Shutyourfaceious).

Name: Maria

Habitat: Migrational

Diet: Strange Greek food/ the tears of Vape Co staff members

Role: Area Manager (THE BOSS)

Maria has been keeping the Vape Co on the map long before any of us losers got here, even before it was the Vape Co. She has a natural business mind, and a genuinely concerning obsession with Prince.

Maria has established an innovative management system called the 'Do your damn job' initiative. This brand new methodology in management allows efficiency to be boosted 500%, simply by ensuring all employee questions are answered identically. By already knowing the answer to each query is simply to 'do your damn job', everyone enjoys complete control over all situations.

Everyone loves Maria for her happy go lucky charm, beaming smile and her ability to break someones neck without touching them. Seriously, she will straight up kill you if you cross her, and we all live in terror of the day we make that fatal mistake. Apart from that, she's very easy going.

Maria is one of a rare selection of bosses that genuinely cares for her employees, and is personally responsible for the dysfunctional family vibe the Vape Co lives by.

You're the best Maria.

Please don't fire me.